Sunday, April 30, 2006

Sunday Afternoon Conversation With My Husband

Dear Blogging Community,

I need your advice. It's true I'm into inheriting friends' and strangers' discarded items and thereby:
  1. saving a buck
  2. adding to our home's retrofabulous "design plan"
  3. preserving the planet's rapidly dwindling resources
  4. freeing up space in the landfills (which, I know, my Hummer-driving, consumer-crazy neighbors in the burbs will thank me for)
However. I am not a zealot. But I'm not sure GreenDaddy realizes it. Because about fifty seconds ago, he called me up from our friends' Rube and Angel's.

And this is what he said: Hi MaGreen. We're done. We've loaded all of our friends' stuff into the moving van.

I said, Good!

He said: Do you want a rug?

Me (thinking, how thoughtful it is that GreenDaddy remembers I was just saying how it would be easier on my knees if I could play with BabyG on a rug instead of the hardwood floors): Ooooh, a rug?!

GreenDaddy: Yeah. It has a sort of oriental pattern.

Me: Oooooh...

GreenDaddy: But it has diarrhea on it. (Being funny) Not Rube or Angel's. It's the puppy's.

Me: (Confused) Do YOU want the rug?

GreenDaddy: It's fresh diarrhea from last night.

Me: But you want it?

GreenDaddy: (Pauses) Well, it has dog hair all over it. It's covered in it.

Me (thinking that we're lucky he didn't become a salesman, but that he surely wouldn't call about a rug unless it was easily transformable and/or he really wanted it...): Ummm...Well, I guess I could rent a RugDoctor. We could clean it.

GreenDaddy: But it's wool. And it's not a really nice rug.

Me: But do you want it?

GreenDaddy: Well, it really stinks.

Me: Okay. Well, then. No, *I* don't want the rug.

GreenDaddy: Yeah. It's not a very nice rug. And it's got sort of an ugly pattern.

So my questions are: Just who does your partner think you are when he calls you up to ask if you want an ugly, stinky, puppy-diarrhea-stained wool rug? Is he the one who is addled? Is it a sign he needs a vacation? Or could it be that he thinks you'd be angry if you discovered a perfectly wretched rug had passed from out of your mutal grasp, on his watch? Or is there some other explanation I'm not thinking of?

Signed, MaGreen
Doubled over in laughter,
yet bemused


Mary said...


Izzy said...

also doubled over in laughter...

Keith said...

Would you guys like a loosely stuffed round ottoman ball? We have two and we only need one. It is more like a bean bag than an ottoman. It is beige. If you put Lila on it now, she would sink into the top of it, giggle, and fall asleep. It is about three times her size. I'm sure that when she is two, she will run across the room and jump onto it and scream and laugh.
Percy will not like it. My cat Tony peed on it when we went to visit my Mom. I have been trying low impact chemicals to get rid of the smell, like vinegar. I put a lot of vinegar on it. The vinegar smell went away. It only smells like cat pee from close up now. It is on the back porch airing out. It got rained on a couple of times but only on the edge. It was under the overhang but a small bit was hanging out too far. I would only want Lila to have it if it doesn't have any smells at all. The other one did not get peed on. It has a little dog hair but that will come off easily. It is slightly more green than the beige one.
I had a friend who made a house for his 6-9 month old son out of a card board box. The box was the boy's own place to do with as he pleased. He took it over and hung out in it a lot as I recall.
I'd just like for Lila to have a big round loosely stuffed ball for her very own. She can have the green one right away or the beige one after a while. Let me know and I'll bring one over.

Tiffany "Prego Nut" said...

As I was reading your post and bellowing out big pregnant belly laughs, it occured to me that my husband and I have had some very similar conversations. One day he may decide to commit me so that he can resume "normal" life. He is great really, but there are times I can definitely see his confusion in my intense devotion to being "green"! Poor, poor confused man. So cute though.